I’m only halfway into this essay, but I literally felt myself clenching my teeth/jaw while my stomach sank because this is a painful realization many of us overachievers/chronically excellent have experienced in our careers. It’s not a good feeling.
it is not a good feeling at all. do a grounding exercise as you read.
sit comfortably in a chair with both feet touching the floor. bring your awareness to your sit bones (the bones in your pelvis that connect to the chair). slowly and gently sway your upper body from side to side like bamboo in a light breeze. let your neck, jaw, and tongue relax completely as you find a slow, natural rhythm. Pair it with a long, slow exhale that is slightly longer than your inhale.
it's real. it's sad. but we gotta have our eyes open so we can move accordingly.
Thank you. 🙏🏾 You know how you think you’re “over” something? Welp, clearly I’m not. I’m going to do some grounding now. Powerful piece as always, Maya!
As I dive deeper into the grief of failed expectations, coming to terms with the reality of the workplace treating employees as expendable has been one of the toughest. Meritocracy is drilled in us as the rule of the game, but there's something more sinister underneath and when you realize it, it's heartwrenching. Jalen deserves better. You deserved better. But then, what do we do with that?
great question. i'm pinging it back to you... if you knew that what they were saying was a lie and you stopped believing them, how might you start navigating work? how might you move differently?
I've been sitting with that question for nearly 5 years now. When I started my own business, I vowed to be the antithesis to the exploitative work environment I witnessed. But that too, was its own challenge because I dealt with employees who abused my determination to put people first. My challenge is to make reciprocity my business model. I'm still sorting it out, day by day.
you committing to a reciprocity model is already so many steps of ahead of where most people are. so one, sit in the grace and beauty of that. something we've had to recognize is that everyone who works for us and works with us is coming out of this system. so we are all damaged and require more space, grace and time to realize this can be a different way.
the most important thing we can do is just start telling the truth.
we also have two sides of our business a for profit side and non profit side. because the truth is, is you are only for profit, you will have to make decisions where you choose profit over people. now you can do that in a way that's graceful, honest. you can be transparent with people upfront about the truth of the situation.
so that fact that you are trying means you get it, you're doing it and you are committed to a new way. take the pressure of yourself for it to be perfect. we need more people who are at least willing to try.
i'm curious...what things you've seen work in your business or culture through focusing on a reciprocity model...
Focusing on a reciprocity model has made it easier for me to filter out people who don't fit into our business culture. I structure my interview questions to gage people who are service minded vs self-centered. I ask for their goals so i gage whether I have what it takes to get them where they want to go, while ensuring the business is taken care of.
Once hired, I make sure to give them all the tools I can to help them thrive, and communicate expectations clearly. I have a strick policy of respecting off business hours, so even if I send an employee an email at odd hours, they will respond during work hours. This is one of the many guardrails I put in place to ensure accountability.
But then I also let them know that if they fail to perform according to clearly communicated standards, they will be let go (this is where I fail though. I'm much too lenient).
this reminds me of where Colin K talks about the moment when he realizes that playing at the nfl level isn’t about love of the game but love of business. for most of us, we can handle the reality once we know what game we’re playing in. it’s just adjusting being caught off guard by the game we thought we were playing that’s most disorienting.
All of the triggers!!! UGH!!! So good. In this story, you were told you didn't have enough experience under your belt to get a promotion, and that made me think of all the times I was told I had TOO much experience under my belt to be considered for a position. This happened a lot in my 20s. I'd think: "Huh? I'm only 2_. How do I have TOO much experience?!?" Because in my case, I had a lot of freelance jobs, but I genuinely hadn't lived long enough to have the experience they claimed I had. Only for me to have the revelation in my 40s that what they were really saying was that I was too smart for them to manipulate into submission. Shout out to you for having an MBA and responding back to them with that. Because you know, MBA programs are so easy to get into...SMH...I hope Jalen Hurts is saving his money and has a strong team behind him. Because I'm ready to visit the Jalen Hurts Football Stadium in the city of Jalendelphia! LOL
I’m only halfway into this essay, but I literally felt myself clenching my teeth/jaw while my stomach sank because this is a painful realization many of us overachievers/chronically excellent have experienced in our careers. It’s not a good feeling.
it is not a good feeling at all. do a grounding exercise as you read.
sit comfortably in a chair with both feet touching the floor. bring your awareness to your sit bones (the bones in your pelvis that connect to the chair). slowly and gently sway your upper body from side to side like bamboo in a light breeze. let your neck, jaw, and tongue relax completely as you find a slow, natural rhythm. Pair it with a long, slow exhale that is slightly longer than your inhale.
it's real. it's sad. but we gotta have our eyes open so we can move accordingly.
Thank you. 🙏🏾 You know how you think you’re “over” something? Welp, clearly I’m not. I’m going to do some grounding now. Powerful piece as always, Maya!
As I dive deeper into the grief of failed expectations, coming to terms with the reality of the workplace treating employees as expendable has been one of the toughest. Meritocracy is drilled in us as the rule of the game, but there's something more sinister underneath and when you realize it, it's heartwrenching. Jalen deserves better. You deserved better. But then, what do we do with that?
great question. i'm pinging it back to you... if you knew that what they were saying was a lie and you stopped believing them, how might you start navigating work? how might you move differently?
I've been sitting with that question for nearly 5 years now. When I started my own business, I vowed to be the antithesis to the exploitative work environment I witnessed. But that too, was its own challenge because I dealt with employees who abused my determination to put people first. My challenge is to make reciprocity my business model. I'm still sorting it out, day by day.
you committing to a reciprocity model is already so many steps of ahead of where most people are. so one, sit in the grace and beauty of that. something we've had to recognize is that everyone who works for us and works with us is coming out of this system. so we are all damaged and require more space, grace and time to realize this can be a different way.
the most important thing we can do is just start telling the truth.
we also have two sides of our business a for profit side and non profit side. because the truth is, is you are only for profit, you will have to make decisions where you choose profit over people. now you can do that in a way that's graceful, honest. you can be transparent with people upfront about the truth of the situation.
so that fact that you are trying means you get it, you're doing it and you are committed to a new way. take the pressure of yourself for it to be perfect. we need more people who are at least willing to try.
i'm curious...what things you've seen work in your business or culture through focusing on a reciprocity model...
Focusing on a reciprocity model has made it easier for me to filter out people who don't fit into our business culture. I structure my interview questions to gage people who are service minded vs self-centered. I ask for their goals so i gage whether I have what it takes to get them where they want to go, while ensuring the business is taken care of.
Once hired, I make sure to give them all the tools I can to help them thrive, and communicate expectations clearly. I have a strick policy of respecting off business hours, so even if I send an employee an email at odd hours, they will respond during work hours. This is one of the many guardrails I put in place to ensure accountability.
But then I also let them know that if they fail to perform according to clearly communicated standards, they will be let go (this is where I fail though. I'm much too lenient).
this reminds me of where Colin K talks about the moment when he realizes that playing at the nfl level isn’t about love of the game but love of business. for most of us, we can handle the reality once we know what game we’re playing in. it’s just adjusting being caught off guard by the game we thought we were playing that’s most disorienting.
All of the triggers!!! UGH!!! So good. In this story, you were told you didn't have enough experience under your belt to get a promotion, and that made me think of all the times I was told I had TOO much experience under my belt to be considered for a position. This happened a lot in my 20s. I'd think: "Huh? I'm only 2_. How do I have TOO much experience?!?" Because in my case, I had a lot of freelance jobs, but I genuinely hadn't lived long enough to have the experience they claimed I had. Only for me to have the revelation in my 40s that what they were really saying was that I was too smart for them to manipulate into submission. Shout out to you for having an MBA and responding back to them with that. Because you know, MBA programs are so easy to get into...SMH...I hope Jalen Hurts is saving his money and has a strong team behind him. Because I'm ready to visit the Jalen Hurts Football Stadium in the city of Jalendelphia! LOL