Raw, real, and resonant. I've had similar experiences lately and struggled to make sense of them, but you've done it beautifully here. What isolates, frees.
Good morning, I read this piece from start to finish. Very profound and eloquently written. It resonates with a lot of my experiences. Day one break-ups used to be so tough for me. However, over time i have realized that most relationships are a reason a season or a lifetime. And that it’s perfectly fine to have Day Two’s or Three’s.
Beautiful essay. I just read a new book written by a true Day One friend of mine- Dr Sam Akbar - called The Odyssey Mindset. Highly recommend for anyone going through what you are describing. I certainly am! She has a chapter about “Finding your Ithaca” and asks “What if your Ithaca makes some people uncomfortable?” (It will…and that is okay. It is yours to pursue). Wishing you all the love and support of your new crew (the ones that show up for the new you- whether new or old) in your journey.
giles! i love seeing u here. drop the link in case anyone wants to support. i think this issue is one of the gnarliest things to figure out as we evolve in pursuit of our best work, ithaca, purpose. learning how to let go with love is so powerful to make room for what’s next or to deepen what’s already there. but it’s terrifying!
I have a similar situation going on with a friend I have known for 20 years. We met in B-school. We have always lived in different cities. I recently realized that she consistently speaks fear into my life. I dont do that to her. She also is the queen of the sly put down. The friendship is really frayed and I am contemplating how to end it.
1. pray about it. ask God / Holy Spirit for guidance on what to do next.
2. speak the truth of ur experience and see how they respond. sometimes people don’t know. but their response to your truth always tells a story
3. if you’re led to end it, honor it and honor her. seasons change and honoring the good in it and the role the relationship played in your development and your evolution is always kind
Ooof, thank you for sharing vulnerably here. It’s still in process, but becoming an entrepreneur has invited me to reconsider and renegotiate my relationships. Entrepreneurship is such a tender, deeply formational space for me, so it’s hard when I feel like the folks closest to me either don’t get it or aren’t curious about it. I’m grateful there are some folks in my life who are curious about my journey and are supportive of it though, even if they don’t understand it. I’ve given myself permission to enjoy the connections in different ways where possible.
Ooh this is timely maya. I’ve been going through the same with lots of different relationships, and I needed to read this today! Cheers to evolution. God is good!
Not the "vulnerability hangover!" I had a friend like that, a Day One from high school whom I finally let go of during the summer of 2020 (and we all know what that summer was like and why we had to end THOSE friendships). I didn't officially release her until a year later, when I realized I had to set up a dinner date with her and sit across from her to tell her my life was going in a different direction. It felt weird to break up with a friend — I thought those were just for romantic relationships, HA! But it started a series of releases in my life, and I wish them all well as I feel freer and less burdened by energy that isn't aligned with mine. I am rooting for you so hard because you are so hardcore with your vulnerability, and you're giving people a language they didn't know they needed. As Beyoncé once said in her documentary "Life Is But a Dream": "I'm done with being cool from now on, I'm being honest." --that's you, and you wear it well! Keep going!
This was an interesting read. I have several similar stories of women who’ve come and gone from my life and it’s crazy to think we’d ever separate. Although the reason was never given to me, the hint of my entrepreneurship and their corporate unrelatedness brought our distance. It’s strange that my freedom held them in captivity- each of them left our friendship.
Me neither. It’s happened 2x to me in the last 20 years and I’m thinking it’s happening again with another dear friend. That’s 3 in total. Each departure these 3 girls just disappeared quietly from my life - I believe the underlying reasons were essentially the same. It's sad and heartbreaking because we still love them - just different journeys in pursuit of our purpose.
Me too. Friends from college. Thought we'd be standing on tbe ledge together after all that was spoken. I understand the faults and boulders that prevent them from walking over. Just wish they would see there is a smooth ride and a bridge to the left of them...
thank u substack sister. would love to hear if there’s anything u want to see from us …any topics, ideas or anything u want us to cover. thank u for being a part of this community.
Thank you so much for this piece. I feel like it reflects a really important aspect of personal evolution that I have experienced but could never fully articulate.
so grateful it resonated. and hope u realize you’re not alone. it’s happening to all of us! sending u so much love and thank u for being here with us 🤍
I can (sadly) relate to your story. Thank you for sharing it, and I hope you and your friend both continue in your becoming however that naturally develops. I hope the same for me and mine as well. ❤️
yeah i think that’s the goal. to be grateful for the relationship, for the experiences and that everybody gets into the expression that they were created to be. sending u so much love and thank u for being here with us 🤍
Loved this because I too had to do the same thing with a long time friend of mines. Similar to you there were no harsh words, no animosity but a knowing on my part that this relationship had run its course. I hope others can read this and see a model for ending a relationship/friendship with love and grace.
This conversation around friendship, evolution, and the grief of becoming is so real.
It made me think about how carefully we use the word “friend” — not because relationships don’t matter, but because history, access, and love don’t always mean someone has the capacity to hold every version of us.
Raw, real, and resonant. I've had similar experiences lately and struggled to make sense of them, but you've done it beautifully here. What isolates, frees.
glory to God! it’s happening to all of us at the same time. thank u for reading and being here with us.
Good morning, I read this piece from start to finish. Very profound and eloquently written. It resonates with a lot of my experiences. Day one break-ups used to be so tough for me. However, over time i have realized that most relationships are a reason a season or a lifetime. And that it’s perfectly fine to have Day Two’s or Three’s.
yes to day 2 and 3s! and grateful for the day ones. nothing but love and good memories. thank y for being here and taking the time to read 🎈
Beautiful essay. I just read a new book written by a true Day One friend of mine- Dr Sam Akbar - called The Odyssey Mindset. Highly recommend for anyone going through what you are describing. I certainly am! She has a chapter about “Finding your Ithaca” and asks “What if your Ithaca makes some people uncomfortable?” (It will…and that is okay. It is yours to pursue). Wishing you all the love and support of your new crew (the ones that show up for the new you- whether new or old) in your journey.
giles! i love seeing u here. drop the link in case anyone wants to support. i think this issue is one of the gnarliest things to figure out as we evolve in pursuit of our best work, ithaca, purpose. learning how to let go with love is so powerful to make room for what’s next or to deepen what’s already there. but it’s terrifying!
Here you go! https://www.instagram.com/reel/DZb7wyVgjMY/?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
And a book link for those not on IG: https://www.sourcebooks.com/the-odyssey-mindset.html
Thank you for this recommending this book. I just saw The Odyssey last night, so your comment makes a lot of sense.
I have a similar situation going on with a friend I have known for 20 years. We met in B-school. We have always lived in different cities. I recently realized that she consistently speaks fear into my life. I dont do that to her. She also is the queen of the sly put down. The friendship is really frayed and I am contemplating how to end it.
a few things to consider:
1. pray about it. ask God / Holy Spirit for guidance on what to do next.
2. speak the truth of ur experience and see how they respond. sometimes people don’t know. but their response to your truth always tells a story
3. if you’re led to end it, honor it and honor her. seasons change and honoring the good in it and the role the relationship played in your development and your evolution is always kind
sending u so much love. this part of life sucks.
Ooof, thank you for sharing vulnerably here. It’s still in process, but becoming an entrepreneur has invited me to reconsider and renegotiate my relationships. Entrepreneurship is such a tender, deeply formational space for me, so it’s hard when I feel like the folks closest to me either don’t get it or aren’t curious about it. I’m grateful there are some folks in my life who are curious about my journey and are supportive of it though, even if they don’t understand it. I’ve given myself permission to enjoy the connections in different ways where possible.
"entrepreneurship is such a tender, deeply formational space."
never experienced anything like it.
curiosity is so important to me. i literally can't be in relationship with someone who isn't curious.
what do u feel like you're learning / or is being developed in you right now?
There’s so much, but most live for me is that our body of work has seasons and not too disdain the one I’m in. What truth feels live for you?
Ooh this is timely maya. I’ve been going through the same with lots of different relationships, and I needed to read this today! Cheers to evolution. God is good!
...all the time!
thank u for being here and reading Neci!
Not the "vulnerability hangover!" I had a friend like that, a Day One from high school whom I finally let go of during the summer of 2020 (and we all know what that summer was like and why we had to end THOSE friendships). I didn't officially release her until a year later, when I realized I had to set up a dinner date with her and sit across from her to tell her my life was going in a different direction. It felt weird to break up with a friend — I thought those were just for romantic relationships, HA! But it started a series of releases in my life, and I wish them all well as I feel freer and less burdened by energy that isn't aligned with mine. I am rooting for you so hard because you are so hardcore with your vulnerability, and you're giving people a language they didn't know they needed. As Beyoncé once said in her documentary "Life Is But a Dream": "I'm done with being cool from now on, I'm being honest." --that's you, and you wear it well! Keep going!
thank u for not leaving me hanging!
"I'm done with being cool from now on, I'm being honest." -- my new motto.
and thank u for the encouragement. finding my way through creative expression is crazy weird. sending u so much love 🤍
🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
🤍🤍🤍
This was an interesting read. I have several similar stories of women who’ve come and gone from my life and it’s crazy to think we’d ever separate. Although the reason was never given to me, the hint of my entrepreneurship and their corporate unrelatedness brought our distance. It’s strange that my freedom held them in captivity- each of them left our friendship.
it’s a wild experience that i wasn’t really prepared for.
Me neither. It’s happened 2x to me in the last 20 years and I’m thinking it’s happening again with another dear friend. That’s 3 in total. Each departure these 3 girls just disappeared quietly from my life - I believe the underlying reasons were essentially the same. It's sad and heartbreaking because we still love them - just different journeys in pursuit of our purpose.
Me too. Friends from college. Thought we'd be standing on tbe ledge together after all that was spoken. I understand the faults and boulders that prevent them from walking over. Just wish they would see there is a smooth ride and a bridge to the left of them...
this read like poetry.
That's exactly what I say after reading your articles too 💞
thank u substack sister. would love to hear if there’s anything u want to see from us …any topics, ideas or anything u want us to cover. thank u for being a part of this community.
Honestly Maya, you are already doing an amazing job! Keep going with the flow 🙂↕️
Absolutely resonated with this one. Seasons and friendships do change. It’s really one of life’s hardest lessons.
why didn’t anyone prepare us for this?! thank u for reading and being here.
This is an amazing piece. So thoughtful and on point 👌🏻I am in the a similar place, and can relate.
I think you are absolutely onto something and changing the current corporate work culture is sorely needed.
No doubt you will be instrumental in that change!
we have to change it or we won’t survive it! thank u for reading and being here with us 🤍
Thank you so much for this piece. I feel like it reflects a really important aspect of personal evolution that I have experienced but could never fully articulate.
so grateful it resonated. and hope u realize you’re not alone. it’s happening to all of us! sending u so much love and thank u for being here with us 🤍
I can (sadly) relate to your story. Thank you for sharing it, and I hope you and your friend both continue in your becoming however that naturally develops. I hope the same for me and mine as well. ❤️
yeah i think that’s the goal. to be grateful for the relationship, for the experiences and that everybody gets into the expression that they were created to be. sending u so much love and thank u for being here with us 🤍
Absolutely. Yes. Thank you!
Loved this because I too had to do the same thing with a long time friend of mines. Similar to you there were no harsh words, no animosity but a knowing on my part that this relationship had run its course. I hope others can read this and see a model for ending a relationship/friendship with love and grace.
amen!
This conversation around friendship, evolution, and the grief of becoming is so real.
It made me think about how carefully we use the word “friend” — not because relationships don’t matter, but because history, access, and love don’t always mean someone has the capacity to hold every version of us.
I wrote about that tension recently: the difference between knowing someone and truly being known. Here is the essay for anyone interested: https://sagerowanwrites.substack.com/p/im-stingy-with-the-word-friend?r=7081uv
loved this line in your piece: “Now I think about boundaries like a theater.”
thank u for being here and sharing your thoughts and your beautiful work. sending u so much love.
That truly means a lot, thank you, maya!🥹
The line is special to me because it became the image that unlocked the whole piece while I was writing it.
Thank you for reading so thoughtfully, and thank you for creating a space where writers can find one another. Sending you so much love right back. 🤎
it’s so brave to write out loud!