you know how when something is so obvious, sometimes you can’t see it, and then when you see it, it becomes so crystal clear and you’re like, how did i not see this?
that’s what this moment feels like.
at the beginning of Sept, we were obsessing over Careless People and how crazy of a story it was. we asked if anyone else wanted to read along and 25 of you said yes. so we created a reading guide, threw together a group chat, mailed out some books and just started talking about it.
when we hosted the Careless People live virtual meetup earlier this week, we realized we were just doing what Kevin and i have always done: finding an intriguing story about work, obsessing over it, and breaking it down. only this time, we invited you into the room.
for those who were there, you know that it just felt refreshing to see each other’s faces and not have these parasocial relationships (thank u for this Johanna) where we put out all this content, talk in the comments, but we don’t really get to know you and your story.
it just felt like a rich space where to reflect on this insane work story about the Meta and also hear your work stories, what you’re wrestling with and laugh together.
in a world with so much content…it was refreshing. It felt like water.
so, we are going to keep doing it.
our official October pick and more details are at the bottom but first, we wanted to tell you a story about how we got here…
i was smoking a joint, reading the bible when…
there is no one I have talked to more in my life over the last five years than Kevin Stuckey. we consume a massive amount of content together—books, culture, conferences, documentaries, competition shows and the bible. if it’s based on a true story, we love it.
Kevin and I worked together at Netflix, but we didn’t actually spend much time together until I was leaving in 2021. after I left, we started catching up casually on the phone. at first, we just talked about content. we read the same books, loved the same authors, and attended the same conferences. we quickly realized we shared core values and saw the world through a similar lens.
for instance, when The Last Dance came out in summer 2021, everyone was obsessing over Michael Jordan. but he was the only other person who shared my exact hot take: Phil Jackson was the real star of the show. he’s the ultimate common denominator. he coached both MJ and Kobe, and he's the only one with eleven rings. we got so passionate about it that we actually hosted a Clubhouse room to discuss it.
the more we talked, the more we realized, we don’t just have the same takes, but we share similar pain, frustrations, disillusionments, work and hope for the future.
by August 2022, it had been about six months since i left Clubhouse. i was deep in seeking mode and could not imagine going back into corporate but was unclear of what i was building towards and what was coming next. i was in the thick of my divorce. i was living off savings. my daughter and i had just moved into a house in Atlanta with my mom after my parents’ divorce. some of my deepest and core friendships were falling apart. everything that felt familiar and that i knew was gone.
Kevin was in a completely different world. he was in LA, surrounded by people but also lonely in a way. he was praying for community. and not just people to hang out with, people who were willing to actually go there. people who would sit in the real stuff, not just skim the surface.
Kevin and I had been talking every single day by then. he’d call me before work on the west coast — him still in it, me freshly out of it — and we’d just talk. about what it felt like to be under suppressive leadership. about the weight of it. about how wrong it all felt. he was contemplating his next move. i was on the other side of the country, freshly out of the system, and we were both realizing we were going to need community in a different way than we ever had before.
we didn’t know it yet — but we were each other’s answered prayers.
on a hot day in August, a week before my birthday, i was home alone. my daughter was away at summer program and my mom was traveling somewhere. i was smoking a joint, reading the bible when I got convicted to call Kevin to check in.
he said he was on vacation. but he hadn’t gone anywhere. he needed the week to catch his breath from the chaos at work.
and so we did what we had done for the last 18 months. we just started talking. and something about this call that just lingered. we were laughing until we cried. we were feeling something we hadn’t felt in a long time — connected. alive. reminded that this is what life is supposed to feel like. and somewhere in the middle of it all, it came out of both of us at the same time. we spend 70% of our lives at work. and there’s no way God designed this for us to suffer like this or to feel like we need to constantly escape our lives. there’s gotta be a better way.
so we made a decision. right there, on the phone, we decided we were going to leave everything we knew behind. we were going to stop complaining about what could have been and see what it felt like to live and work according to God’s design.
that became the start of everything we’re existing in now. in our ignorance, we thought it would be fast. we thought we’d just go and arrive. but what unfolded was a journey — a long, disorienting, sometimes punishing journey that neither of us had a name for yet. it felt like being in a car driving somewhere we couldn’t see, with no destination on the screen. just us, the road, and our faith. we didn’t know what was coming next. we didn’t know if what we were feeling was supposed to happen or if something had gone terribly wrong.
but we had each other.
we need to talk it out…
our deep friendship grew out of a specific season of disruption. and none of our growth would have happened if we hadn’t been talking so intensely and so frequently. there is something miraculous that happens when you have a safe space to process your thoughts, have your experiences mirrored back to you, and tell the raw truth about what you are feeling.
and as people start leaving broken systems to make the journey toward their best work—toward their metaphorical and literal promised land—it gets incredibly lonely. the sheer amount of structure and people that get pulled away from you is the most underestimated part of the transition.
some of us are choosing to leave the old model of work and others are being forced out. remote work culture means the casual hallway chats with colleagues you love are gone. and we’re not going back because we refuse to subject our bodies and minds to toxic work environments anymore. but in protecting ourselves, we accidentally lost the community part.
to make it harder, when you are in motion and evolving, you lose people you love. and it’s not because they are bad people, it’s usually a timing issue. you might be ready to move into your next before they are, or they might prefer to stay safe where they are.
and when you are forced to process historic, systemic trauma entirely inside your own head, you can’t heal alone. but the good news is that when you are willing, and in motion – no matter how small the progress – new people show up to meet you exactly where you are.
and we hope our container, this conversation club, can be a place to meet your person or your people. people who hold space for who you were, honor who you’re becoming now, who deeply care about serving and solving problems, are on the same journey and walking at the same pace.
it’s the thing that made the difference for us.
welcome to the ftl conversation club
ok, so here’s how we’re going to turn the comment section into a monthly meetup…
monthly cadence. every month, we will curate content for us to consume together. we are looking for true stories about our work and they can come from any industry. it could be a whistleblower story like Careless People, a documentary about an iconic sports coach, a podcast about the state of work, a scripted comedy from the past. anything. but the goal is to talk about our universal human experience through the lens of our work.
guest curators. we will be looking for people in the community who care and are well versed on the topics we choose to help us curate the conversation for the month and help lead the conversation.
the group chat. leading up to our live meetup, we will host a private, ongoing substack group chat where we drop clips, thoughts, and real-time reflections as we discuss together. this will only be for people who have specifically said they’ve opted into wanting to be a part of the club. we also will have a separate email list (they’re called substack segments) where we can send more information if we need to.
the live meetup. once a month, we’ll do a face-to-face gathering to unpack the topic, tell our truths, and connect live with each other. right now, our meetups will be virtual, but we hope it grows into something that can start being irl. who knows, maybe at some point the subjects of the stories will join us.
so if you are interested in being added to the group chat and the separate club email list, comment below, “add me to the club” and we’ll get it handled from there.
October ftl pick
in September, we dissected the toxic corporate environment of Careless People, watching Sarah Williams navigate a broken system. in October, we are pivoting to study the exact opposite energy. someone who looked a broken system and injustice in the eye and gave up everything for his beliefs.
our official October pick is Colin Kaepernick’s new memoir, The Perilous Fight.
over the course of the month, we are going to study what it actually looks like to walk away from a structure to stand up for what you believe in. because he was just on a major press run, we’ll be using our group chat to curate his latest interviews, break down his Netflix series Colin in Black & White, and share a recommended reading guide to anchor our thoughts. it all leads up to our live face-to-face gathering on Wednesday, October 28 at 7:30p est.
we’ll officially kick off next week so let us know by the weekend if you’re down to join this month.
we are so grateful for to the 25 of you who first said yes and for those who joined the meetup this week.
can’t wait to keep chatting.
sending u so much love,
m + k
add me to the club!